In My Weakness

Weariness sets in as I focus my thoughts on where I am in life, in this current season. I feel as if this chapter in my family's history may never find a resolution. As if the daily grind of kids, housework, and just scraping by will continue to perpetuate itself. Day in and day out, brings the feeling as if I am suspended in time, stuck here. Kind of reminds me of the movie Ground Hog Day. Each day a repeat of the prior.

I am pretty positive that there are many people that feel this way about life. Like a hamster on the wheel...going round and round, and getting nowhere. Growing tired, and weak, and weary. Yet, they plod onward.

This pattern of existence is mirrored in the weather lately. I see it again today. Winter is approaching the end. Still that good old snow keeps threatening to fall once again. Nature nearly gives in to the hope of warmer weather. It teases us with a day or two of sunshine and warmth, only to surrender to the winds that carry in the cold and the snow. Winter makes us weary in the end.

So, what to think, do, feel...How do I go beyond my current circumstances and find the strength to carry on? Even when I am weak? I go to the only source of true strength. The Word of the Lord bringing light, and life, and truth. No other voice can fill my soul like His. "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9


The world around us attempts to find its strength in many things. Those are all such cheap substitutes that always fail miserably at satisfaction. I have heard it said that whatever, or whoever, you turn to when are weak, becomes your god. Addicts usually get the elbow to the ribs with this one. But, everyone builds an alter in their heart and erects their "graven image". Everyone. It's just not always made up of the stuff that others can see externally. So, if I turn to sadness, anxiety, worry, and depression...and allow myself to wallow in it, soak it in, breathe it deeply, and believe in it...well, there's my god.

The true quest in this life of unending weariness isn't just to suffer through. And it isn't about finding ways to squelch the pain. It's about tearing down the false gods, the junk that we surrender to, and finding rest and freedom in the Father's presence.
"He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection." Psalm 91:4.
I realize as I gaze upon the beauty of the Lord, that yes, I am completely weak. I feel tired and undone. But, His presence renews me. His strength is more than enough to bring me through this day.

I cannot ever hope to be enough on my own. Even if I wanted to "buck it up" and "push through", because sooner or later, I will build up that false god again. I will look to myself instead of just resting in the Father's arms and letting Him do the work. So, I hide His Word in my heart and place Him at the center of today. Each day I must make Him my God, surrender to His plans for that day, believe that only He is strong enough to bring me through. And again, and again...

(The Invication Fountain) Lyrics
All who are weak
All who are weary
Come to the rock
Come to the fountain
All who have sailed
On the rivers of heartache
Come to the sea
Come on be set free

If You lead me Lord I will follow
Where You lead me Lord I will go
Come and heal me Lord I will follow
Where You lead me Lord I will go
I will go, I will go