On a beautiful, bright, and sunny day, I am reflective on the vast contrast of today versus those dark, dreary winter days that I so desperately wanted to come to an end. I began to think about the sun and how it was always there. Some days, so many clouds came in between the reality of the sun and my perception of its light, and I began to actually believe in some small way, that the clouds would never part. That some how the sun would never fully shine again.
Yet, since I have seen the sun, its radiant light, and experienced its warmth, I do know, not only in my head, but also in my heart, that the sun will always be. That one day, within the next couple of months, I will wipe the sweat from my brow and long for relief from the sun's unrelenting rays. I have felt its power and experienced its constantance.
Earlier today, I was thinking through the reality of God and yet, how there are so many people that choose not to believe. I could have a very hard time understanding their unbelief because I was always surrounded by people who choose to believe and live in accordance to the Word. Born the daughter of a pastor, I was submerged into a lifestyle that allowed me to see the workings of God in numerous people's lives, from my own family, to the church family that I was raised in. But, even then, I was subject to a choice. I personally had to choose to believe if there really was a God, and if so, what that would mean for me.
I liken my understanding of why I believe in God to why I believe in the existence of the sun.
Just like I have seen the affects of the sun, and experienced its power, I have seen with my own eyes the works of God around me, and I have lived in experience with Him. I know God is real because the light of His reality has so penetrated my heart that I cannot deny Him. Just like anyone who has lived in the light of the sun knows that it is real. You can see clearly because His light has illuminated life and given you a greater understanding of what is real.
Still, I can also see why there are people who have great doubts about God, or choose not to believe in Him at all. I am not offended by others' unbelief. In fact, I don't see it as my responsibility to convince someone that God really does exist. John 3:19- "This is the verdict: Light has come into the world, but men loved darkness instead of light because their deeds were evil." God doesn't need me to do His biding for Him. "In him was life, and that life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood* it". John 1:4&5(*understood: the darkness could not overpower the light!) He's all powerful and can speak for Himself! What I am called to do, is to tell the truth to those who need to hear. To proclaim the name of the Lord, and point others to Him. I am to spread the light of His truth in the dark places of this world.
Those who are living in unbelief are living life in the dark. Stumbling around, unable to see. It's like they have the blinds pulled down over the windows and the sun's light is blocked. They really cannot see what they are needing, because they haven't felt the reality of God. They are blinded by the darkness. So, when someone angrily states: "There is no god", I can honestly say, THAT is THEIR reality. They have the blinds pulled down, and really, just haven't had the experience of seeing the light! But, wow, what God can reveal to a person who allows even the smallest pinpoint of the light of His truth to invade their darkness...now that's when the blind begin to see that there is something more.
So, I challenge you today, as I do myself, to be light in a dark place. I would also ask you to pray that God would "pull the blinds up" in peoples' hearts so that they can see the light of truth shining in. "The night is nearly over; the day is almost here. So let us put aside the deeds of darkness and put on the armour of light". (Romans 13:12)
I also bid you to ask God to part the clouds in your life, the stuff that is keeping you from experiencing the full light of God's love. Seek out the light, allowing it to pierce the dark places. 1 Peter 2:9, "But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light".
Know that in Him there is no hint or trace of shadow. His light is constant and never fails.
Lyrics to You Are The Sun, by Sara Groves
You are the sun shining down on everyone
Light of the world giving light to everything I see
Beauty so brilliant I can hardly take it in
And everywhere you are is warmth and light
And I am the moon with no light of my own
Still you have made me to shine
And as I glow in this cold dark night
I know I can't be a light unless I turn my face to you
You are the sun shining down on everyone
Light of the world giving light to everything I see
Beauty so brilliant I can hardly take it in
And everywhere you are is warmth and light
And I am the moon with no light of my own
Still you have made me to shine
And as I glow in this cold dark night
I know I canít be a light unless I turn my face to you
Shine on me with your light
Without you I'm a cold dark stone
Shine on me I have no light of my own
You are the sun, you are the sun, you are the sun
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
A Celebration of Discipline
I've decided to do something that I've never tired before. And I'm kind of excited. Seems a bit strange to think that I would be excited about something so boring. Really it's not fun. But here I am thinking through it over and over, and I actually feel anticipation for the next forty days. I had decided to give something up for Lent this year. I am not going to indulge in desserts, such as cookies, cake, ice cream, and candy. I am a self proclaimed junk food junkie, although I do attempt to keep myself in check with moderation. But, really why am I conviced that this fast from sweets is even necessary? I wanted to really have a purpose to the challenge, and not just do it, to do it.
The more that I've thought this through the more I felt God speaking to me. There is something to be said for the spiritual disciplines. To most people, the word discipline is associated with work, in the "no pain, no gain" sense of the word. It also seems to get connected to the idea that spiritual disciplines are "old school", ancient, or dead. In my opinion, the younger, "hipper" trends in the church world want to reject the disciplines of the classic church world. I completely understand, and am in agreement with, breaking away from the legalistic mindset of many judgmental attitudes that have been fostered by a "works" faith. I can completely agree that what we do is not all there is to salvation. God's grace covers us, therefore we don't have to earn eternal life. However, there are many things that we can choose to do to draw closer to the heart of God. There are rituals that serve a purpose in our practice of "working out our salvation" to refine us.
While attending college at a Christian Liberal Arts University, I was required as a freshman to take a Fundimental Elements of Christianity class. I do not remember much from that class. What I do remember had a great impact on me. In the class, students read a book entitled, "Celebration of Discipline" (Richard J. Foster). I really struggled at first to read through the book, mostly skimming, highlighter in hand, attempting to get the main ideas of each chapter processed. But as I dug deeper into the material, I began to let it sink in. The ideas that challenged my thinking then, have in recent months come back to me. I pulled that book down off the shelf again to see what God had to say through it.
There are a lot of spiritual rituals and disciplines that I tend to not understand, think are just way too difficult, or often times just forget about. Even the pracice of "standard" or "typical" disciplines can become rote or lack luster in meaning. Worship, prayer, daily bible reading, and communion can lose significance when we take away the celebration of it. The purpose in all of it is to gain focus of the Father, be united with the Son, and be filled up with His Holy Spirit.
Some of the things that I have either been missing out on, or merely didn't realize I was already doing, surprise me. Meditation, prayer, fasting, and study are all inward practices that can rejuvenate our relationship with the Lord. The introvert in me gravitates towards these. Lately, this blog has helped me to grow in the areas of mediation and study. I just wasn't labeling it. My dessert fast is about as aggressive as I have ever come to a "real fast". Fasting for any significant amount of time is something I still need to tackle. I have a great deal to learn about prayer. I know that there will be a time in my life that God will teach me more about prayer and fasting.
The outward disciplines of simplicity, solitude, submission, and service are not as obvious. I know that God has begun to put a hunger in me for a lifestyle of simplicity, and because I enjoy helping others and have gifts in hospitality, the area of service is easier for me. But solitude and submission? Those are tough! Being quiet in a world of busyness and noise so that God can speak is a challenge for us in our society. And the attitude of submission, or self-denial, isn't modeled to us very much even in the church. We live comfortable, relatively easy cushioned lives that rarely push us to do more to draw closer to Christ.
I want to grow. I want to see God more in my life. I am called to live differently than the average joe, because I am called to model my life after Christ. So I embrace the challenge of something new, and hope to meet God in a fresh way through it. If I value my relationship with Him, I will not dread discipline in my life, I will celebrate it!
The more that I've thought this through the more I felt God speaking to me. There is something to be said for the spiritual disciplines. To most people, the word discipline is associated with work, in the "no pain, no gain" sense of the word. It also seems to get connected to the idea that spiritual disciplines are "old school", ancient, or dead. In my opinion, the younger, "hipper" trends in the church world want to reject the disciplines of the classic church world. I completely understand, and am in agreement with, breaking away from the legalistic mindset of many judgmental attitudes that have been fostered by a "works" faith. I can completely agree that what we do is not all there is to salvation. God's grace covers us, therefore we don't have to earn eternal life. However, there are many things that we can choose to do to draw closer to the heart of God. There are rituals that serve a purpose in our practice of "working out our salvation" to refine us.
While attending college at a Christian Liberal Arts University, I was required as a freshman to take a Fundimental Elements of Christianity class. I do not remember much from that class. What I do remember had a great impact on me. In the class, students read a book entitled, "Celebration of Discipline" (Richard J. Foster). I really struggled at first to read through the book, mostly skimming, highlighter in hand, attempting to get the main ideas of each chapter processed. But as I dug deeper into the material, I began to let it sink in. The ideas that challenged my thinking then, have in recent months come back to me. I pulled that book down off the shelf again to see what God had to say through it.
There are a lot of spiritual rituals and disciplines that I tend to not understand, think are just way too difficult, or often times just forget about. Even the pracice of "standard" or "typical" disciplines can become rote or lack luster in meaning. Worship, prayer, daily bible reading, and communion can lose significance when we take away the celebration of it. The purpose in all of it is to gain focus of the Father, be united with the Son, and be filled up with His Holy Spirit.
Some of the things that I have either been missing out on, or merely didn't realize I was already doing, surprise me. Meditation, prayer, fasting, and study are all inward practices that can rejuvenate our relationship with the Lord. The introvert in me gravitates towards these. Lately, this blog has helped me to grow in the areas of mediation and study. I just wasn't labeling it. My dessert fast is about as aggressive as I have ever come to a "real fast". Fasting for any significant amount of time is something I still need to tackle. I have a great deal to learn about prayer. I know that there will be a time in my life that God will teach me more about prayer and fasting.
The outward disciplines of simplicity, solitude, submission, and service are not as obvious. I know that God has begun to put a hunger in me for a lifestyle of simplicity, and because I enjoy helping others and have gifts in hospitality, the area of service is easier for me. But solitude and submission? Those are tough! Being quiet in a world of busyness and noise so that God can speak is a challenge for us in our society. And the attitude of submission, or self-denial, isn't modeled to us very much even in the church. We live comfortable, relatively easy cushioned lives that rarely push us to do more to draw closer to Christ.
I want to grow. I want to see God more in my life. I am called to live differently than the average joe, because I am called to model my life after Christ. So I embrace the challenge of something new, and hope to meet God in a fresh way through it. If I value my relationship with Him, I will not dread discipline in my life, I will celebrate it!
Friday, March 4, 2011
In My Weakness
Weariness sets in as I focus my thoughts on where I am in life, in this current season. I feel as if this chapter in my family's history may never find a resolution. As if the daily grind of kids, housework, and just scraping by will continue to perpetuate itself. Day in and day out, brings the feeling as if I am suspended in time, stuck here. Kind of reminds me of the movie Ground Hog Day. Each day a repeat of the prior.
I am pretty positive that there are many people that feel this way about life. Like a hamster on the wheel...going round and round, and getting nowhere. Growing tired, and weak, and weary. Yet, they plod onward.
This pattern of existence is mirrored in the weather lately. I see it again today. Winter is approaching the end. Still that good old snow keeps threatening to fall once again. Nature nearly gives in to the hope of warmer weather. It teases us with a day or two of sunshine and warmth, only to surrender to the winds that carry in the cold and the snow. Winter makes us weary in the end.
So, what to think, do, feel...How do I go beyond my current circumstances and find the strength to carry on? Even when I am weak? I go to the only source of true strength. The Word of the Lord bringing light, and life, and truth. No other voice can fill my soul like His. "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
The world around us attempts to find its strength in many things. Those are all such cheap substitutes that always fail miserably at satisfaction. I have heard it said that whatever, or whoever, you turn to when are weak, becomes your god. Addicts usually get the elbow to the ribs with this one. But, everyone builds an alter in their heart and erects their "graven image". Everyone. It's just not always made up of the stuff that others can see externally. So, if I turn to sadness, anxiety, worry, and depression...and allow myself to wallow in it, soak it in, breathe it deeply, and believe in it...well, there's my god.
The true quest in this life of unending weariness isn't just to suffer through. And it isn't about finding ways to squelch the pain. It's about tearing down the false gods, the junk that we surrender to, and finding rest and freedom in the Father's presence.
"He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection." Psalm 91:4.
I realize as I gaze upon the beauty of the Lord, that yes, I am completely weak. I feel tired and undone. But, His presence renews me. His strength is more than enough to bring me through this day.
I cannot ever hope to be enough on my own. Even if I wanted to "buck it up" and "push through", because sooner or later, I will build up that false god again. I will look to myself instead of just resting in the Father's arms and letting Him do the work. So, I hide His Word in my heart and place Him at the center of today. Each day I must make Him my God, surrender to His plans for that day, believe that only He is strong enough to bring me through. And again, and again...
(The Invication Fountain) Lyrics
All who are weak
All who are weary
Come to the rock
Come to the fountain
All who have sailed
On the rivers of heartache
Come to the sea
Come on be set free
If You lead me Lord I will follow
Where You lead me Lord I will go
Come and heal me Lord I will follow
Where You lead me Lord I will go
I will go, I will go
I am pretty positive that there are many people that feel this way about life. Like a hamster on the wheel...going round and round, and getting nowhere. Growing tired, and weak, and weary. Yet, they plod onward.
This pattern of existence is mirrored in the weather lately. I see it again today. Winter is approaching the end. Still that good old snow keeps threatening to fall once again. Nature nearly gives in to the hope of warmer weather. It teases us with a day or two of sunshine and warmth, only to surrender to the winds that carry in the cold and the snow. Winter makes us weary in the end.
So, what to think, do, feel...How do I go beyond my current circumstances and find the strength to carry on? Even when I am weak? I go to the only source of true strength. The Word of the Lord bringing light, and life, and truth. No other voice can fill my soul like His. "But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
The world around us attempts to find its strength in many things. Those are all such cheap substitutes that always fail miserably at satisfaction. I have heard it said that whatever, or whoever, you turn to when are weak, becomes your god. Addicts usually get the elbow to the ribs with this one. But, everyone builds an alter in their heart and erects their "graven image". Everyone. It's just not always made up of the stuff that others can see externally. So, if I turn to sadness, anxiety, worry, and depression...and allow myself to wallow in it, soak it in, breathe it deeply, and believe in it...well, there's my god.
The true quest in this life of unending weariness isn't just to suffer through. And it isn't about finding ways to squelch the pain. It's about tearing down the false gods, the junk that we surrender to, and finding rest and freedom in the Father's presence.
"He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection." Psalm 91:4.
I realize as I gaze upon the beauty of the Lord, that yes, I am completely weak. I feel tired and undone. But, His presence renews me. His strength is more than enough to bring me through this day.
I cannot ever hope to be enough on my own. Even if I wanted to "buck it up" and "push through", because sooner or later, I will build up that false god again. I will look to myself instead of just resting in the Father's arms and letting Him do the work. So, I hide His Word in my heart and place Him at the center of today. Each day I must make Him my God, surrender to His plans for that day, believe that only He is strong enough to bring me through. And again, and again...
(The Invication Fountain) Lyrics
All who are weak
All who are weary
Come to the rock
Come to the fountain
All who have sailed
On the rivers of heartache
Come to the sea
Come on be set free
If You lead me Lord I will follow
Where You lead me Lord I will go
Come and heal me Lord I will follow
Where You lead me Lord I will go
I will go, I will go
Monday, February 14, 2011
The Law of Love
1 John 4:7-16 (The Message) God Is Love
7-10My beloved friends, let us continue to love each other since love comes from God. Everyone who loves is born of God and experiences a relationship with God. The person who refuses to love doesn't know the first thing about God, because God is love—so you can't know him if you don't love. This is how God showed his love for us: God sent his only Son into the world so we might live through him. This is the kind of love we are talking about—not that we once upon a time loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to clear away our sins and the damage they've done to our relationship with God. 11-12My dear, dear friends, if God loved us like this, we certainly ought to love each other. No one has seen God, ever. But if we love one another, God dwells deeply within us, and his love becomes complete in us—perfect love!
13-16This is how we know we're living steadily and deeply in him, and he in us: He's given us life from his life, from his very own Spirit. Also, we've seen for ourselves and continue to state openly that the Father sent his Son as Savior of the world. Everyone who confesses that Jesus is God's Son participates continuously in an intimate relationship with God. We know it so well, we've embraced it heart and soul, this love that comes from God.
The word of God is very clear about love. Love isn't a feeling that we humans have created. It is the very essence of a God who created us to dwell in relationship with Him! We cannot know love and live in love when we are separated from God. And the opposite is also true...when we live in accordance to His will and purposes, and we strive to see His Kingdom reign upon this earth, we will live in love. In God is all that is right. And to love is right!
Lately, I have been very disturbed by the media coverage that some "Christians" have been receiving. I understand that as I follow Christ, I should be bothered, even at times outraged, at the way that our government has determined what is moral, ethical, or permissible. God's truth is being overshadowed by man's own desires. However, the behavior that many self- labeled Christians are displaying brings out a righteous anger in me. Why would someone who claims to know Christ choose the path of hatred? According to the list in Galatians 5, those that live according to the Spirit will show the fruit of that relationship.
22-23But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.
Those that are lost do not know the love of Christ. Those that are found in Christ should exemplify the act of love in every facet of our world. We have received love from the Father through Christ's sacrifice on the cross. We have been blessed to experience the limitless love through forgiveness and salvation. The Holy Father has lavished His love on us! So, why would we not in return hunger for those who do not know the love of the Father? Why do we condemn and curse the ones who need to be loved the most?
I am so very grateful for a God who destroyed the conditions of the old law that man had been living under by sending Jesus to become the new law. We no longer must live under a law that no one could possibly ever fulfill anyway. Jesus turned the world upside down. And He did it through love.
13-16This is how we know we're living steadily and deeply in him, and he in us: He's given us life from his life, from his very own Spirit. Also, we've seen for ourselves and continue to state openly that the Father sent his Son as Savior of the world. Everyone who confesses that Jesus is God's Son participates continuously in an intimate relationship with God. We know it so well, we've embraced it heart and soul, this love that comes from God.
The word of God is very clear about love. Love isn't a feeling that we humans have created. It is the very essence of a God who created us to dwell in relationship with Him! We cannot know love and live in love when we are separated from God. And the opposite is also true...when we live in accordance to His will and purposes, and we strive to see His Kingdom reign upon this earth, we will live in love. In God is all that is right. And to love is right!
Lately, I have been very disturbed by the media coverage that some "Christians" have been receiving. I understand that as I follow Christ, I should be bothered, even at times outraged, at the way that our government has determined what is moral, ethical, or permissible. God's truth is being overshadowed by man's own desires. However, the behavior that many self- labeled Christians are displaying brings out a righteous anger in me. Why would someone who claims to know Christ choose the path of hatred? According to the list in Galatians 5, those that live according to the Spirit will show the fruit of that relationship.
22-23But what happens when we live God's way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely.
Those that are lost do not know the love of Christ. Those that are found in Christ should exemplify the act of love in every facet of our world. We have received love from the Father through Christ's sacrifice on the cross. We have been blessed to experience the limitless love through forgiveness and salvation. The Holy Father has lavished His love on us! So, why would we not in return hunger for those who do not know the love of the Father? Why do we condemn and curse the ones who need to be loved the most?
I am so very grateful for a God who destroyed the conditions of the old law that man had been living under by sending Jesus to become the new law. We no longer must live under a law that no one could possibly ever fulfill anyway. Jesus turned the world upside down. And He did it through love.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
The War Inside
I like to put my best face forward. Who doesn't want to appear strong, confident, and collected? So, I try to do my best. But really, truthfully, a war is raging inside that has lasted nearly as long as I can remember. I have fought God on this one. It is very hard for me to put my biggest struggle into words and send it out into the great beyond of cyber space...especially, since I do know some of you who are so kind as to read my posts. Yet, I can't go on pretending that I don't deal with this; the fight of my lifetime: the war of my self image vs. God's image of me.
I know in my head a lot of truths about God. I know that I know, that I know, God is full of love for humanity. He loves us so much, it is hard to fathom the depths of His great love for mankind. I believe that He loves little old ladies, babies with chubby checks, and even the worst of all criminals. He sent His son to die for all. Still, deep down, way down inside my soul...I question, how could he really love me?
I see all my faults. When I stare at my reflection in the mirror, I don't see how I was made in the image of Christ himself. I see the flaws that I wish would disappear. That somehow, if I just ate one less cookie, or would workout one more hour, then 30 pounds would vanish, as if by magic. I frustrate myself when I try on clothes in a dressing room. And I begin to wonder, really, how is it that I am "fearfully and wonderfully made"?
I think sometimes that God might love me, but perhaps He is disappointed in how I have turned out. Maybe I have somehow made a mess of myself. Then in the next breath, I question..."Well, if this is how God made me, should I even try to change"? Maybe I should just stuck it up and be satisfied with what I see in my reflection.
And so, the war continues. Sometimes, I feel like I win a battle with self. I feel ok with me. I even feel the profound and overwhelming weight of God's love for a time. But, freedom is short lived as I face a new moment when I must choose my mindset.
I know I must continue to fight for freedom in this. I do not have lots of answers. But I do have the word of God, a double edge sword, which I know I must hold tightly onto.
I know in my head a lot of truths about God. I know that I know, that I know, God is full of love for humanity. He loves us so much, it is hard to fathom the depths of His great love for mankind. I believe that He loves little old ladies, babies with chubby checks, and even the worst of all criminals. He sent His son to die for all. Still, deep down, way down inside my soul...I question, how could he really love me?
I see all my faults. When I stare at my reflection in the mirror, I don't see how I was made in the image of Christ himself. I see the flaws that I wish would disappear. That somehow, if I just ate one less cookie, or would workout one more hour, then 30 pounds would vanish, as if by magic. I frustrate myself when I try on clothes in a dressing room. And I begin to wonder, really, how is it that I am "fearfully and wonderfully made"?
I think sometimes that God might love me, but perhaps He is disappointed in how I have turned out. Maybe I have somehow made a mess of myself. Then in the next breath, I question..."Well, if this is how God made me, should I even try to change"? Maybe I should just stuck it up and be satisfied with what I see in my reflection.
And so, the war continues. Sometimes, I feel like I win a battle with self. I feel ok with me. I even feel the profound and overwhelming weight of God's love for a time. But, freedom is short lived as I face a new moment when I must choose my mindset.
I know I must continue to fight for freedom in this. I do not have lots of answers. But I do have the word of God, a double edge sword, which I know I must hold tightly onto.
Ephesians 4:20-24 (New International Version)
20 That, however, is not the way of life you learned 21 when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.
This fight is something that I'm sure I'll return to over and over. For tonight I lay it at the Lord's feet and ask Him to renew my mind once again. I need to feel His love and know that I am His.
This fight is something that I'm sure I'll return to over and over. For tonight I lay it at the Lord's feet and ask Him to renew my mind once again. I need to feel His love and know that I am His.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Simple Pleasures
It is so good to laugh. Sometimes I find myself taking life so seriously that I forget that God has given this life to me to enjoy. I am a deep, often brooding, thinker. I think about way too much sometimes, over analyzing my life, decisions, and circumstances. It gets a little ridiculous. I allow an anxious spirit to take away my joy.
But, today I am thankful for funny things that my kids say and do. I am really glad that God gave me a husband that has a fantastic sense of humor. God knew I would need him to make me laugh. I even am grateful for something silly to watch on t.v. tonight that gives me a chuckle. Realizing that even in difficulties, I've just got to take a mental break and enjoy being right here, right now...well, that's refreshing.
There's a lot of things that I am asking God for in this season of my life. My family's physical needs depend entirely upon the graciousness of the Lord. I wish that life was easier and more exciting. Yet, right now I want to lay that aside and just remember the goodness of God. I want to dwell upon the joy that God wants me to find in the life that He has given me to live. "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalms 37:4)
So, I rejoice in the beauty of fresh fallen snow. I listen to my kids playing together, giggling and squealing. I pet the dog curled up at my feet. And I relax. I trust that for today, God just wants me to see Him even in the simple pleasures of this life.
But, today I am thankful for funny things that my kids say and do. I am really glad that God gave me a husband that has a fantastic sense of humor. God knew I would need him to make me laugh. I even am grateful for something silly to watch on t.v. tonight that gives me a chuckle. Realizing that even in difficulties, I've just got to take a mental break and enjoy being right here, right now...well, that's refreshing.
There's a lot of things that I am asking God for in this season of my life. My family's physical needs depend entirely upon the graciousness of the Lord. I wish that life was easier and more exciting. Yet, right now I want to lay that aside and just remember the goodness of God. I want to dwell upon the joy that God wants me to find in the life that He has given me to live. "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" (Psalms 37:4)
So, I rejoice in the beauty of fresh fallen snow. I listen to my kids playing together, giggling and squealing. I pet the dog curled up at my feet. And I relax. I trust that for today, God just wants me to see Him even in the simple pleasures of this life.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Brutal Honesty
I've been hiding out in a way. I've been fearful to face this task of using words to describe the boiling caldron of emotions that have been brewing up within me. I really didn't think that I had the strength to look beyond my feelings and seek out the truth of what God wants me to see. For several days, I was pretending not to notice. But, God wants His truth to be revealed. And He won't leave me alone.
I really wanted to just stay in my own clouded-over funk. I kind of felt like I had every right to be down and depressed. Things aren't quite going like I want and pouting like a kid is sometimes easier to do than facing the reality of life. The only problem with living out my bad attitude is that I get miserable, real fast. My body actually becomes weak. And I feel empty. The problem with it is that I try to take control and I don't leave my attitude, actions, and availability to Christ. And I know, I truly do know, in my heart, that I can't live without Him.
I've been here before, emotionally and mentally, and when I am rationally thinking about those times, and I look back at how I felt and reacted, I know that I needed to stop trying to do life on my own accord. However, I am a very stubborn and proud person, who thinks, I can do this on my own...I just have to get it together. Except, I am way too weak to do it on my own. I cry. I struggle to do simple things. I crash and burn.
The only way that I can get out of my own head and find freedom is when I finally surrender to God. I choose to stop listening to the lies, the words that play over and over in my head that ruin me. And I know where those are coming from. The words will only lead me to my death, whether it's spiritual or even physical. So, I choose the way of Life.
I have come to understand that we all sin in different ways, just some of us choose things that aren't always so obvious to others, at least not at first. But, really what my understanding of what sin is is simple. Anytime someone, anyone, tries to take God out of the equation and replace Him with someone else, or something, chooses to sin. Sometimes, we do it unconsciously, and the Holy Spirit will convict us of our wrongdoings. But, often we choose to take control and go to opposite direction, living out in rebellion.
I realized that, although I may not have committed a crime, or even a sin against another person, I was choosing the way of rebellion, because I refused to acknowledge my deep dependence on God. I had sinned in my heart against God. I needed to surrender control again and live like I say I believe.
I found a Psalm I had highlighted in my bible almost two years ago to the day. I had written the date next to it in the column. I find it interesting that, like the Psalmist, David, I too have gone through so many ups and downs. Yet, God used him, showed favor upon him, and even placed him in the role of king. God showed His loving kindness upon David, which gives me hope and a greater understanding of God's love for even me. I sin. I fall short of the mark. Yet, His love for me goes on. So, I run straight back into His arms.
whose disobedience is forgiven,
whose sin is put out of sight!
2 Yes, what joy for those
whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt,
whose lives are lived in complete honesty!
3 When I refused to confess my sin,
my body wasted away,
and I groaned all day long.
4 Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me.
My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat.
5 Finally, I confessed all my sins to you
and stopped trying to hide my guilt.
I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.”
And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.
6 Therefore, let all the godly pray to you while there is still time,
that they may not drown in the floodwaters of judgment.
7 For you are my hiding place;
you protect me from trouble.
You surround me with songs of victory.
8 The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.
I will advise you and watch over you.
9 Do not be like a senseless horse or mule
that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control.”
10 Many sorrows come to the wicked,
but unfailing love surrounds those who trust the Lord.
11 So rejoice in the Lord and be glad, all you who obey him!
Shout for joy, all you whose hearts are pure!
I really wanted to just stay in my own clouded-over funk. I kind of felt like I had every right to be down and depressed. Things aren't quite going like I want and pouting like a kid is sometimes easier to do than facing the reality of life. The only problem with living out my bad attitude is that I get miserable, real fast. My body actually becomes weak. And I feel empty. The problem with it is that I try to take control and I don't leave my attitude, actions, and availability to Christ. And I know, I truly do know, in my heart, that I can't live without Him.
I've been here before, emotionally and mentally, and when I am rationally thinking about those times, and I look back at how I felt and reacted, I know that I needed to stop trying to do life on my own accord. However, I am a very stubborn and proud person, who thinks, I can do this on my own...I just have to get it together. Except, I am way too weak to do it on my own. I cry. I struggle to do simple things. I crash and burn.
The only way that I can get out of my own head and find freedom is when I finally surrender to God. I choose to stop listening to the lies, the words that play over and over in my head that ruin me. And I know where those are coming from. The words will only lead me to my death, whether it's spiritual or even physical. So, I choose the way of Life.
I have come to understand that we all sin in different ways, just some of us choose things that aren't always so obvious to others, at least not at first. But, really what my understanding of what sin is is simple. Anytime someone, anyone, tries to take God out of the equation and replace Him with someone else, or something, chooses to sin. Sometimes, we do it unconsciously, and the Holy Spirit will convict us of our wrongdoings. But, often we choose to take control and go to opposite direction, living out in rebellion.
I realized that, although I may not have committed a crime, or even a sin against another person, I was choosing the way of rebellion, because I refused to acknowledge my deep dependence on God. I had sinned in my heart against God. I needed to surrender control again and live like I say I believe.
I found a Psalm I had highlighted in my bible almost two years ago to the day. I had written the date next to it in the column. I find it interesting that, like the Psalmist, David, I too have gone through so many ups and downs. Yet, God used him, showed favor upon him, and even placed him in the role of king. God showed His loving kindness upon David, which gives me hope and a greater understanding of God's love for even me. I sin. I fall short of the mark. Yet, His love for me goes on. So, I run straight back into His arms.
Psalm 32 (New Living Translation)
A psalm of David.
1 Oh, what joy for thosewhose disobedience is forgiven,
whose sin is put out of sight!
2 Yes, what joy for those
whose record the Lord has cleared of guilt,
whose lives are lived in complete honesty!
3 When I refused to confess my sin,
my body wasted away,
and I groaned all day long.
4 Day and night your hand of discipline was heavy on me.
My strength evaporated like water in the summer heat.
5 Finally, I confessed all my sins to you
and stopped trying to hide my guilt.
I said to myself, “I will confess my rebellion to the Lord.”
And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone.
6 Therefore, let all the godly pray to you while there is still time,
that they may not drown in the floodwaters of judgment.
7 For you are my hiding place;
you protect me from trouble.
You surround me with songs of victory.
8 The Lord says, “I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.
I will advise you and watch over you.
9 Do not be like a senseless horse or mule
that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control.”
10 Many sorrows come to the wicked,
but unfailing love surrounds those who trust the Lord.
11 So rejoice in the Lord and be glad, all you who obey him!
Shout for joy, all you whose hearts are pure!
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
The Joy of a New Day
It's no secret. Anyone who knows me can tell you. I am NOT a morning person. I really don't clear the brain fog until somewhere around 9:30 in the morning. I might have to get up and get going before then, but my mind is still in bed. Ahhh, nice, warm, cozy bed. I really do love my bed. But, unfortunately, there are many people who greet the day with great enthusiasm. Those people, that perky type, can never understand how the other half function. We're the "night owls" of the world. The collective whole that seem to drag all day and sometime around 10pm our proverbial "second wind" comes. My best work happens somewhere between 10pm and 12am. My mind is in gear. It's like my body is possessed with a new found energy that goes beyond natural abilities. Yeah, the early bird gets that worm...but the night owl, well, we've realized we can always do it later in the day, like around 11ish.
Recently, though, I have been motivated to try to strike a better balance between the relentless energy of the morning crowd and the late nighters' midnight antics. David sang out in the Psalms, "What a beautiful thing God, to give thanks, to sing an anthem to You, the High God. To announce Your love each day break, sing of Your faithful presence all through the night." (Psalm 92:1&2)
I have started to be convicted of my mental climate towards mornings. I know that my great aversion to daybreak isn't something I can pass off as a personality trait. There might actually be something God wants to teach me about the beauty of a morning. It is especially difficult to be angry at the existence of morning when God confronts me with His word. Like Lamentations 3: 22 and 23: "God's loyal love couldn't have run out, His merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning. How great Your faithfulness! (Message)
The famous and resounding words of the great Anne of Green Gables come to mind. As a preteen girl, I spent many a snow day soaking in her deep and profound pearls of wisdom, watching unending hour upon hour of the movie and it's sequel. I fell in love with that redheaded, carrot topped, character. She had a lot to tell the world. You see, after all the shanaigans she found her way into, she understood the greatness of a new day. "Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it."
It is a little silly to look to a fictional character to inspire myself to arise and rejoice at the dawning of a new day, but the truth remains. God creates each day in order for His glorious purpose to be lived out to the fullest in us and through us. We are not awaking to a fresh day to just "make it through". We are arising to live fully in the grace of a living Lord, who has created a new day for us to walk with Him and grow in Him. He has called us to His great purpose, to proclaim the name of Jesus. Even at 7am.
So, I'm awake now. This is the day. I choose to rejoice and be glad in it. I can even hear the birds chirping merrily. Must have been a good morning for them, full of the mercies of a loving God. Probably a lot of worms.
Recently, though, I have been motivated to try to strike a better balance between the relentless energy of the morning crowd and the late nighters' midnight antics. David sang out in the Psalms, "What a beautiful thing God, to give thanks, to sing an anthem to You, the High God. To announce Your love each day break, sing of Your faithful presence all through the night." (Psalm 92:1&2)
I have started to be convicted of my mental climate towards mornings. I know that my great aversion to daybreak isn't something I can pass off as a personality trait. There might actually be something God wants to teach me about the beauty of a morning. It is especially difficult to be angry at the existence of morning when God confronts me with His word. Like Lamentations 3: 22 and 23: "God's loyal love couldn't have run out, His merciful love couldn't have dried up. They're created new every morning. How great Your faithfulness! (Message)
The famous and resounding words of the great Anne of Green Gables come to mind. As a preteen girl, I spent many a snow day soaking in her deep and profound pearls of wisdom, watching unending hour upon hour of the movie and it's sequel. I fell in love with that redheaded, carrot topped, character. She had a lot to tell the world. You see, after all the shanaigans she found her way into, she understood the greatness of a new day. "Tomorrow is always fresh, with no mistakes in it."
It is a little silly to look to a fictional character to inspire myself to arise and rejoice at the dawning of a new day, but the truth remains. God creates each day in order for His glorious purpose to be lived out to the fullest in us and through us. We are not awaking to a fresh day to just "make it through". We are arising to live fully in the grace of a living Lord, who has created a new day for us to walk with Him and grow in Him. He has called us to His great purpose, to proclaim the name of Jesus. Even at 7am.
So, I'm awake now. This is the day. I choose to rejoice and be glad in it. I can even hear the birds chirping merrily. Must have been a good morning for them, full of the mercies of a loving God. Probably a lot of worms.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Jesus Through the Bible
Names are a powerful thing. I have often heard the story of how I got my name when I was born. I was what my parents have referred to as "the bonus baby", meaning they thought they were done when they had my older brother and sister, but...SURPRISE!, I came along. My nearly 16- year-old brother was put into a state of shock and awe when they told him Mom was pregnant. My 14- year-old sister, however, rejoiced in celebration, because she had been praying for a baby sister for a while. As the day of my birth approached, my parents inevitably had conversations as to what my name should be. They settled on Kelly, boy or girl, didn't matter. The story goes on though. Supposedly, when they saw me they said that I didn't look like a "Kelly". My sister brought them the name Cara. So, I was named by my big sister.
A name can hold a lot of meaning to the one who carries it. In bible days, people often named their child something that carried a meaning that everyone who spoke it would understand. I feel bad for the kid that had to carry around a name that meant "destruction" or "contempt". But, that was what was important in the culture.
I have enjoyed thinking through different names of God recently. We can find such comfort in knowing the ways in which God shows Himself to us. And the fact that Jesus' name is proclaimed in every book of the bible is beautiful. I really was wowed watching a video I saw posted today by a friend, so I am choosing to share it with you here today.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=OhVrcV6WmfQ
P.S. I have no idea how that kid memorized this monolog...it is impressive!
Go with God today.
*Here is a list in print with Scripture References if you are interested, or if you have a hard time viewing the video.
www.jesusplusnothing.com/jesus66books.htm
A name can hold a lot of meaning to the one who carries it. In bible days, people often named their child something that carried a meaning that everyone who spoke it would understand. I feel bad for the kid that had to carry around a name that meant "destruction" or "contempt". But, that was what was important in the culture.
I have enjoyed thinking through different names of God recently. We can find such comfort in knowing the ways in which God shows Himself to us. And the fact that Jesus' name is proclaimed in every book of the bible is beautiful. I really was wowed watching a video I saw posted today by a friend, so I am choosing to share it with you here today.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=OhVrcV6WmfQ
P.S. I have no idea how that kid memorized this monolog...it is impressive!
Go with God today.
*Here is a list in print with Scripture References if you are interested, or if you have a hard time viewing the video.
www.jesusplusnothing.com/jesus66books.htm
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Midnight Prayer
My day is nearly done now, Lord. Yet I cannot rest peacefully without taking time to speak with You.
I begin by thanking You for all of the beauty of the day. Your graciousness to me is beyond all measure. You are holy and worthy. I ask, as I sleep tonight, that Your perfect will for my life be set into action. I pray that Your kingdom would advance in my world as well as upon this earth, just as it is in heaven. May Your hand of provision be real in my family's life tomorrow. Thank you for what You gave us today to eat, to wear, and to enjoy. Forgive me God for my attitudes, behaviors, and words that hurt others, because it hurt You, too. Allow my heart to forgive and love the people that hurt me today. Let my heart be soft toward them. Help me tomorrow to live in Your salvation and keep me from turning my eyes from the truth of You. Protect my mind, body, and soul from the evil one. For only You lead to freedom. You rule over all the earth with justice, majesty, and glory.
I will give you all of my worship.
Amen
I begin by thanking You for all of the beauty of the day. Your graciousness to me is beyond all measure. You are holy and worthy. I ask, as I sleep tonight, that Your perfect will for my life be set into action. I pray that Your kingdom would advance in my world as well as upon this earth, just as it is in heaven. May Your hand of provision be real in my family's life tomorrow. Thank you for what You gave us today to eat, to wear, and to enjoy. Forgive me God for my attitudes, behaviors, and words that hurt others, because it hurt You, too. Allow my heart to forgive and love the people that hurt me today. Let my heart be soft toward them. Help me tomorrow to live in Your salvation and keep me from turning my eyes from the truth of You. Protect my mind, body, and soul from the evil one. For only You lead to freedom. You rule over all the earth with justice, majesty, and glory.
I will give you all of my worship.
Amen
Monday, January 17, 2011
The Three D's
Ack. I hate having a yucky sore throat and aching sinuses. Being sick isn't any fun. Well, maybe it's a little nice to have an excuse to stay in my pajamas and lie in bed on and off. Of course, being a mom and being sick doesn't get you much rest. Sometimes I do enjoy having my husband do some of the things that I normally would insist on doing myself, like cleaning up a dirty diaper or playing referee to the dinner time meltdown.
I know that I'm really not suffering that much right now anyway. I have experienced much more extremes in the bug department in my lifetime. And truly, what I have come down with here and there in my medical history isn't any thing serious. Not when I think about what some of the dear people I that know have dealt with in their bodies.
It's difficult to see or know of loved ones or friends that go through some pretty rough stuff in their bodies. Many people in the world have daily difficulties that I cannot even fathom going through. And what about little children that have to suffer. Why does this kind of thing have to happen? I have heard lots of people question: "If God is good, why does He allow suffering"? Or: "Why would a loving God let someone die"?
So, today, while I was lying down and supposed to be sleeping, I started to think, "How do I answer that"? What do I say to my son when one day he will inevitably ask, "Why is there death, and disease, and suffering"? How do I explain that God is still good, even when there is bad all around?
We live in a very fragile world, balanced between a very real heaven and a very real hell. This earth was created by a perfect and spotless God who seeks to reveal Himself to us daily. He knew before He made the world that we would sin against Him, yet He still chose to create us, breathe life into us, and walk among us. God also knew that Lucifer would betray Him and try to become his own god. Christ saw the entire history of time before He spoke any of it into existence. He knew that satan's plan all along would be to seek us out, to turn our hearts, even our bodies against Christ. With original sin, the bite that Adam and Eve took from the fruit; dirt, disease, and ultimately death was ushered unto earth. God gave mankind a choice, and humans chose to go their own way.
When I was a kid I sometimes enjoyed trying to get a reaction out of my dad at the dinner table with some type of icky thing that had happened at school or a "grosser than gross" joke. I think my parents started to see a pattern emerging around second or third grade and they introduced me to the phrased that was coined by one of my older siblings years before. My parents explained that there would not be talk of anything that could be labeled one of "The Three D's", meaning anything that fell under the category of Death, Dirt, or Disease. I was to show restraint and keep the "Three D's" under control.
So, today when I thought this through I began to get really excited about what God was saying to me. I started to think about the wonderful grace of a loving God that has sent His Holy Spirit to move among us and to protect us from what should be our destruction and demise. Yes, there are awful, terrible things all around us, and if satan were unleashed upon the earth to do his will, we would not be able to live through it. But, because God is a loving and gracious Lord who wants us to find Him and be reconciled to Him, He has sent His Spirit to live here with us and give us His mercy. The Holy Spirit is keeping the "Three D's" of this world in check!
When we get a glimpse of His Mercy and Love, the current sufferings of this world pale in comparison to the glory which will be revealed to us when we see Him. This world cannot be perfect, we messed it up, but thank the Lord, we don't have to be trapped here! It is not our end, as believers we will live without the ugly trappings of this earthly life in a perfect heaven.
Today I thank God for His Holy Spirit. I can commune with Him and hear His voice, even if my body betrays me. I am so glad for a God who provides a way out of this imperfect world and Who will be victorious over sickness and death!
Holy Spirit come and show me your goodness. Help me to see Your hand of mercy upon the earth.
I know that I'm really not suffering that much right now anyway. I have experienced much more extremes in the bug department in my lifetime. And truly, what I have come down with here and there in my medical history isn't any thing serious. Not when I think about what some of the dear people I that know have dealt with in their bodies.
It's difficult to see or know of loved ones or friends that go through some pretty rough stuff in their bodies. Many people in the world have daily difficulties that I cannot even fathom going through. And what about little children that have to suffer. Why does this kind of thing have to happen? I have heard lots of people question: "If God is good, why does He allow suffering"? Or: "Why would a loving God let someone die"?
So, today, while I was lying down and supposed to be sleeping, I started to think, "How do I answer that"? What do I say to my son when one day he will inevitably ask, "Why is there death, and disease, and suffering"? How do I explain that God is still good, even when there is bad all around?
We live in a very fragile world, balanced between a very real heaven and a very real hell. This earth was created by a perfect and spotless God who seeks to reveal Himself to us daily. He knew before He made the world that we would sin against Him, yet He still chose to create us, breathe life into us, and walk among us. God also knew that Lucifer would betray Him and try to become his own god. Christ saw the entire history of time before He spoke any of it into existence. He knew that satan's plan all along would be to seek us out, to turn our hearts, even our bodies against Christ. With original sin, the bite that Adam and Eve took from the fruit; dirt, disease, and ultimately death was ushered unto earth. God gave mankind a choice, and humans chose to go their own way.
When I was a kid I sometimes enjoyed trying to get a reaction out of my dad at the dinner table with some type of icky thing that had happened at school or a "grosser than gross" joke. I think my parents started to see a pattern emerging around second or third grade and they introduced me to the phrased that was coined by one of my older siblings years before. My parents explained that there would not be talk of anything that could be labeled one of "The Three D's", meaning anything that fell under the category of Death, Dirt, or Disease. I was to show restraint and keep the "Three D's" under control.
So, today when I thought this through I began to get really excited about what God was saying to me. I started to think about the wonderful grace of a loving God that has sent His Holy Spirit to move among us and to protect us from what should be our destruction and demise. Yes, there are awful, terrible things all around us, and if satan were unleashed upon the earth to do his will, we would not be able to live through it. But, because God is a loving and gracious Lord who wants us to find Him and be reconciled to Him, He has sent His Spirit to live here with us and give us His mercy. The Holy Spirit is keeping the "Three D's" of this world in check!
When we get a glimpse of His Mercy and Love, the current sufferings of this world pale in comparison to the glory which will be revealed to us when we see Him. This world cannot be perfect, we messed it up, but thank the Lord, we don't have to be trapped here! It is not our end, as believers we will live without the ugly trappings of this earthly life in a perfect heaven.
Today I thank God for His Holy Spirit. I can commune with Him and hear His voice, even if my body betrays me. I am so glad for a God who provides a way out of this imperfect world and Who will be victorious over sickness and death!
Holy Spirit come and show me your goodness. Help me to see Your hand of mercy upon the earth.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Confession
I've got a confession to make. If you have been so kind to read my week day blogs...well, I've been using you this week. And I will most-likely continue to use you as a reader over the next few weeks.
So, the deal is, I am starting a Beth Moore book study over Revelation. Last Monday was the first of my ten week study and now I have "homework" to complete for each session. Along with review questions at the end of each section of the study, participants are encouraged to journal a personal Revelation of who Christ is to her each day. The format was to be written in the first person, as if talking to Jesus himself. I know that I haven't written my blog this week in this way, but over the next few weeks, if the mood hits me, I may word things into a prayer. That's where you come in. So, don't let me throw you off...
This week I have been praying as I approach this blog with the question, "How will you reveal Yourself to me today, Lord"? So far I have found God in each of those days, simply because I was willing and open to hearing from Him. On Monday, God revealed Himself to be the God of Perfect Timing, on Tuesday, He is Hope, on Wednesday, He is Beautiful, and yesterday, He is the Bread of Life.
Today as I thought about the idea of confession for this blog, the Lord brought to mind a song that we used to sing a few years back. It's not as popular now, but maybe you remember it.It's our confession Lord that we are weak, So very weak, but you are strong And though we've nothing Lord to lay at your feet We come to your feet and say, "help us along" A broken heart and a contrite Spirit You have yet to deny Your heart of mercy beats with love's strong current Let the river flow, by your Spirit now, Lord we cry Let your mercies fall from heaven, sweet mercies flow from heaven New mercies for today, shower them down Lord as we pray
So, now I am reminded of how when we come to Him, and confess our weakness, our dependence upon Him, He is quick to show us His mercy. Today His is the God of Mercy.
I challenge you to seek the Lord in this way. Ask Him, "Lord, give me a fresh revelation of who You are today." Look for Him in pictures, words, songs, conversations, whatever you experience that day. He is always ready to meet us and show us more of Him.
Reveal Yourself to us, oh Lord.
Reveal Yourself to us, oh Lord.
Thursday, January 13, 2011
The Bread of Life
"On hearing it, many of his disciples said, "This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?' (John 6:60 NIV)
The disciples of Christ had just listened to Jesus bring the smack down on the Jewish leaders once again. The evening before, Jesus and his disciples had arrived in Capernaum in attempt to escape the crowd of five thousand that was just feed miraculously from the boy's five small barley loaves and two little fish. Then, on the trip over the sea, Jesus caught up with the twelve, with his famous walk across the water. He meet them three or three and a half miles out, climbing in the boat.
When Jesus and his followers were discovered the next day by the crowd, Jesus was asked how he got there. No one had seen him board the boat at the shore the day before. Instead of answering he turns it around to the crowd. "I tell you the truth, you are looking for me, not because you saw miraculous signs but because you ate the loaves and had your fill." (John 6:26 NIV) Jesus continued on to explain, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty. But as I told you, you have seen me and still you do not believe." (vs. 36&37)
Many of the followers turned from Jesus and left him because they were expecting him to meet their needs just as their forefathers ate the daily manna while following Moses. They didn't want to accept the source. They were just bumming off of the blessings, the signs, and the wonders.
This past year has been particularly difficult for my husband and I. We have gone through major changes in our home, career, and financial standing. We have very little to depend upon in this physical world. Without the kindnesses of others and the support of our family, I am not sure where we would be right now. We still are seeking daily direction from God, because we don't really have much else. My husband says, "We're living on faith." My personal emotions ebb and flow as I strive to live each day, just one day at a time. I praise the Lord for His provision. I am very thankful and grateful for the hand of protection that He has placed on our family. But, still I pray.
Yet, I am seeing something here that God is highlighting for me today. And it is a hard teaching. Am I just wanting God to preform something miraculous to benefit me? When I pray, am I looking for my prayer to make things better for me? Or am I seeking the Father as the Bread of Life, and the Source? I want to be more cautious and stop looking for the miracle. And, I don't want to find myself doubting the reality of God, just because I don't see the miracle, like many of the followers did it this scripture. "....many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him."(vs. 66)
I have known many people who have stopped following Christ through the years. They have turned far from Him for one reason or another. Perhaps they didn't see the hand of God in their lives because they were looking for the signs. They wanted the proof. And they chose just not to believe.
Today I choose to believe in the Bread of Life, for He satisfies my hungry spirit, He quenches the thirst of my soul. Despite the needs of my physical world, I will not pray for more manna. I will seek Him and only Him.
Jesus asked his twelve faith ones if they wanted to leave, too. Peter answers him in verse 68 & 69 saying, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God."
I still believe.
The disciples of Christ had just listened to Jesus bring the smack down on the Jewish leaders once again. The evening before, Jesus and his disciples had arrived in Capernaum in attempt to escape the crowd of five thousand that was just feed miraculously from the boy's five small barley loaves and two little fish. Then, on the trip over the sea, Jesus caught up with the twelve, with his famous walk across the water. He meet them three or three and a half miles out, climbing in the boat.
When Jesus and his followers were discovered the next day by the crowd, Jesus was asked how he got there. No one had seen him board the boat at the shore the day before. Instead of answering he turns it around to the crowd. "I tell you the truth, you are looking for me, not because you saw miraculous signs but because you ate the loaves and had your fill." (John 6:26 NIV) Jesus continued on to explain, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty. But as I told you, you have seen me and still you do not believe." (vs. 36&37)
Many of the followers turned from Jesus and left him because they were expecting him to meet their needs just as their forefathers ate the daily manna while following Moses. They didn't want to accept the source. They were just bumming off of the blessings, the signs, and the wonders.
This past year has been particularly difficult for my husband and I. We have gone through major changes in our home, career, and financial standing. We have very little to depend upon in this physical world. Without the kindnesses of others and the support of our family, I am not sure where we would be right now. We still are seeking daily direction from God, because we don't really have much else. My husband says, "We're living on faith." My personal emotions ebb and flow as I strive to live each day, just one day at a time. I praise the Lord for His provision. I am very thankful and grateful for the hand of protection that He has placed on our family. But, still I pray.
Yet, I am seeing something here that God is highlighting for me today. And it is a hard teaching. Am I just wanting God to preform something miraculous to benefit me? When I pray, am I looking for my prayer to make things better for me? Or am I seeking the Father as the Bread of Life, and the Source? I want to be more cautious and stop looking for the miracle. And, I don't want to find myself doubting the reality of God, just because I don't see the miracle, like many of the followers did it this scripture. "....many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him."(vs. 66)
I have known many people who have stopped following Christ through the years. They have turned far from Him for one reason or another. Perhaps they didn't see the hand of God in their lives because they were looking for the signs. They wanted the proof. And they chose just not to believe.
Today I choose to believe in the Bread of Life, for He satisfies my hungry spirit, He quenches the thirst of my soul. Despite the needs of my physical world, I will not pray for more manna. I will seek Him and only Him.
Jesus asked his twelve faith ones if they wanted to leave, too. Peter answers him in verse 68 & 69 saying, "Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life. We believe and know that you are the Holy One of God."
I still believe.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
The Beauty in Wednesday
Poor Wednesday. It gets such a bad rap. Smack dab in the middle of the week, stuck in between the two days that start with T's. I think Wednesday ranks right up there with Monday on many people's "Days I love to Hate" list. Really, what is it about this day that makes people cringe? Remember that old saying about the days of the week and the children born on each of those days? I can't recall all of them, but the one I remember well is Wednesday's Child. That poor kid was cursed with the "full of woe" title from the start of his or her life! I pity Wednesday's Child. Honestly, who gets excited about "full of woe"? (Incidentally, I do know my sister had to carry that around with her as a kid because she was born on a Wednesday.)
Early this morning while I was at the gym, a very sweet and lovely petite woman attempted to strike up and conversation with me. I was terribly confused by her. I couldn't quite make out what she was talking about, but I did catch something about Friday. Was it that the wee hours of the morning had thrown her off by two days? I don't know. I just smiled and nodded and attempted to throw in something about it being Wednesday today. Whether it connected, I'm not sure, but as she walked out the door a few minutes later, she said something else about Friday...Wow, Wednesday was really putting her off her game. Maybe, it was really me Wednesday had pulled one over on since I didn't seem to understand what was going on.
So, on a day that tends to rattle us, I felt God whispering to me over and over again, "Find the Beauty of Me today." The bright and shining beauty that is Christ. He is the compilation of everything that we would ever think is beautiful and lovely. He is Light. In Him there is no darkness or blemish. We think we know what beauty is when be look at a flower in bloom, or the vivid colors of a sunset across the vastness of the ocean. Yet, all the pretty little things of this world pale in comparison to glorious splendor that flows from Him. "From Zion, perfect in beauty, God shines forth!"(Psalm 50:2)
Therefore, I will not seek Him out of my needs today. I will not just look to Him as my provider, healer, and deliverer. Yes, He is the God of Provision, Healing, and Deliverance, but for today, I choose to worship Him in His beauty. I choose not to ask for what I want from Him. Instead, I will choose to gaze upon His majestic face and honor Him with my heartfelt and deepest affection. I will see Him not just for what He does, but simply for who He is.
"I am the Alpha and Omega-the beginning and the end", says the Lord God. "I am the one who is, who always was, and who is still to come, the Almighty One." (Revelation 1:8)
Whoa, awesome. Awestruck wonder. And, that's pretty good for a Wednesday.
Early this morning while I was at the gym, a very sweet and lovely petite woman attempted to strike up and conversation with me. I was terribly confused by her. I couldn't quite make out what she was talking about, but I did catch something about Friday. Was it that the wee hours of the morning had thrown her off by two days? I don't know. I just smiled and nodded and attempted to throw in something about it being Wednesday today. Whether it connected, I'm not sure, but as she walked out the door a few minutes later, she said something else about Friday...Wow, Wednesday was really putting her off her game. Maybe, it was really me Wednesday had pulled one over on since I didn't seem to understand what was going on.
So, on a day that tends to rattle us, I felt God whispering to me over and over again, "Find the Beauty of Me today." The bright and shining beauty that is Christ. He is the compilation of everything that we would ever think is beautiful and lovely. He is Light. In Him there is no darkness or blemish. We think we know what beauty is when be look at a flower in bloom, or the vivid colors of a sunset across the vastness of the ocean. Yet, all the pretty little things of this world pale in comparison to glorious splendor that flows from Him. "From Zion, perfect in beauty, God shines forth!"(Psalm 50:2)
Therefore, I will not seek Him out of my needs today. I will not just look to Him as my provider, healer, and deliverer. Yes, He is the God of Provision, Healing, and Deliverance, but for today, I choose to worship Him in His beauty. I choose not to ask for what I want from Him. Instead, I will choose to gaze upon His majestic face and honor Him with my heartfelt and deepest affection. I will see Him not just for what He does, but simply for who He is.
"I am the Alpha and Omega-the beginning and the end", says the Lord God. "I am the one who is, who always was, and who is still to come, the Almighty One." (Revelation 1:8)
Whoa, awesome. Awestruck wonder. And, that's pretty good for a Wednesday.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Hope is a Thing...
The world is in a deep sleep. Covered in a thick blanket of powdery white, the ground, the trees, the plants, await spring. On a day like today, Spring seems very far off. Everything is dead. Nothing is green. In fact it seem down right impossible that in just a few short weeks, we will begin to spot the little shoots of crocuses popping up through the hard soil...bringing with it the hope of warmer weather. This ebb and flow of the seasonal promise of new life displays the very nature of a loving Creator that made us to crave the freshness of things to come. He has constructed within our spirit the need to hope. Hope in life beyond what we can see today. Hope in a real and loving God. Hope that one day we will live in the unveiled presence of Him, able to see Him and know Him in completeness.
I am very thankful today for this kind of hope that goes beyond my current circumstances. It is very easy to get caught up in the day's activities, my own thoughts and emotions, or what is presently happening in my life. I get so deceived by the lies that I perceive to not only be my current understanding, but also my destiny. This compounded with shame and fear, chips away at the truth of who God created me to be. Soon my heart is a desolate, barren wasteland that I would liken to the icy vastness of Antarctica.
But, when I choose to believe, to place my ultimate hope in Christ, I can begin to see the evidence of the life to come. Christ has promised me a hope for an eternity beyond this limited, frail life. I can look to Him as the Eternal Hope. This life is not all there is. He will complete His work in me. I love how Hebrews 6:18 reads in the Message; "God can't break His word. And because His word cannot change, the promise is likewise unchangeable. We who have run for our very lives to God have every reason to grab the promised hope with both hands and never let go." Verse 19 goes on to say, " It's an unbreakable spiritual lifeline, reaching past all appearances right to the very presence of God."
I thank God with every fiber of my being right now for the lifeline of hope. Without His hope I think, no, I know, I would have been dead 10 times over! What do people do in life that refuse to accept the hope of Christ? Really, how do they manage to go on? I praise God for the Hope of Glory.
In the past few years God has continually been speaking the word Hope to me. I have suffered for years with anxiety and depression, particularly after the birth of my kids. I have done medications and lots of prayer. I tend not to tell others about it because it is something that I often feel embarrassment over, like somehow I have failed at keeping control over my own life. But, as God worked in me the concept of having complete hope in Him, I realized that this would be a life long lesson for me to work through. God gave me a life verse that I nearly daily must repeat. Romans 15:13: "May the God of all hope give you joy and peace as you trust in Him. May you be fill with hope to over flowing by the power of the Holy Spirit." (NIV)
I have had to come to the realization that I can't find hope on my own. The only way to have hope in Christ is to ask the Holy Spirit to give it to me. Hope can't come from our imperfect hearts. The Spirit of the Eternal God must perch it there. This reminds me of one of my favorite poems, by Emily Dickinson. Although it's probably not theologically accurate, I choose it end with it here.
I am very thankful today for this kind of hope that goes beyond my current circumstances. It is very easy to get caught up in the day's activities, my own thoughts and emotions, or what is presently happening in my life. I get so deceived by the lies that I perceive to not only be my current understanding, but also my destiny. This compounded with shame and fear, chips away at the truth of who God created me to be. Soon my heart is a desolate, barren wasteland that I would liken to the icy vastness of Antarctica.
But, when I choose to believe, to place my ultimate hope in Christ, I can begin to see the evidence of the life to come. Christ has promised me a hope for an eternity beyond this limited, frail life. I can look to Him as the Eternal Hope. This life is not all there is. He will complete His work in me. I love how Hebrews 6:18 reads in the Message; "God can't break His word. And because His word cannot change, the promise is likewise unchangeable. We who have run for our very lives to God have every reason to grab the promised hope with both hands and never let go." Verse 19 goes on to say, " It's an unbreakable spiritual lifeline, reaching past all appearances right to the very presence of God."
I thank God with every fiber of my being right now for the lifeline of hope. Without His hope I think, no, I know, I would have been dead 10 times over! What do people do in life that refuse to accept the hope of Christ? Really, how do they manage to go on? I praise God for the Hope of Glory.
In the past few years God has continually been speaking the word Hope to me. I have suffered for years with anxiety and depression, particularly after the birth of my kids. I have done medications and lots of prayer. I tend not to tell others about it because it is something that I often feel embarrassment over, like somehow I have failed at keeping control over my own life. But, as God worked in me the concept of having complete hope in Him, I realized that this would be a life long lesson for me to work through. God gave me a life verse that I nearly daily must repeat. Romans 15:13: "May the God of all hope give you joy and peace as you trust in Him. May you be fill with hope to over flowing by the power of the Holy Spirit." (NIV)
I have had to come to the realization that I can't find hope on my own. The only way to have hope in Christ is to ask the Holy Spirit to give it to me. Hope can't come from our imperfect hearts. The Spirit of the Eternal God must perch it there. This reminds me of one of my favorite poems, by Emily Dickinson. Although it's probably not theologically accurate, I choose it end with it here.
Hope That perches in the soul, And sings the tune--without the words, And never stops at all, And sweetest in the gale is heard; And sore must be the storm That could abash the little bird That kept so many warm. I've heard it in the chillest land, And on the strangest sea; Yet, never, in extremity, It asked a crumb of me. |
Monday, January 10, 2011
In the Waiting Line
Late. Racing against the clock. Things just weren't happening in a timely manner this morning. Five minutes late this morning for Fit Bar, we missed out on the warm up. Later, I was rushing the five year old to preschool. Then hurrying off to pick up my mother in law at the auto shop, I had to trudge across town to get her to work. She had planned on using the dealership's shuttle, but unfortunately, it was 30 minutes behind schedule due to the freshly fallen snow. I was able to get her to the pharmacy that she manages twenty minutes sooner than the shuttle would have, but still ten minutes late to open the doors to customers.
On the way back to the house, I began to think about timing. Our timing. God's timing. How quickly time slips away when we don't want it to, and oh, how slow the moments go when we have to wait. Sometimes I get wrapped up in the few minutes here or there that can throw off my entire day. I get impatient. Red lights don't change fast enough. The kids eat too slowly. Cooking dinner takes longer than I had planned. Or I might find myself waiting on something to happen that I am anxious to get on with.
This is where I find myself most days now. In the waiting. Waiting for what God has next for me and my family. Waiting for answers. And I feel like time is frozen. Somehow I am stuck here in the in-between. I wonder when God will spring into action and make things come together. I become so transfixed on the here and now that I try to make God's timing fit into my calendar.
As I drove down the snow covered street, thinking about my definition of time verses the Lord's timing, I was reminded of the scripture in 2 Peter that speaks of how one day is as good as a thousand years, and a thousand years is as one day to the Lord. The third chapter goes on to talk about how God is never late with His promises. He just doesn't measure lateness as we do.
I was curious to find another reference pertaining to this idea of Divine timing, which I found in Job chapter 10, verse 5, which says in the Message: "Unlike us, You are not working against a deadline. You have all eternity to work things out." So I remind myself again today, the Lord is at work. He isn't ever late. He knows the end from the beginning. He holds all of time in His hands. It's up to me to stop putting my time restrictions on God and let Him do His work in me. And in the mean time, I'll be here, in the waiting line.
On the way back to the house, I began to think about timing. Our timing. God's timing. How quickly time slips away when we don't want it to, and oh, how slow the moments go when we have to wait. Sometimes I get wrapped up in the few minutes here or there that can throw off my entire day. I get impatient. Red lights don't change fast enough. The kids eat too slowly. Cooking dinner takes longer than I had planned. Or I might find myself waiting on something to happen that I am anxious to get on with.
This is where I find myself most days now. In the waiting. Waiting for what God has next for me and my family. Waiting for answers. And I feel like time is frozen. Somehow I am stuck here in the in-between. I wonder when God will spring into action and make things come together. I become so transfixed on the here and now that I try to make God's timing fit into my calendar.
As I drove down the snow covered street, thinking about my definition of time verses the Lord's timing, I was reminded of the scripture in 2 Peter that speaks of how one day is as good as a thousand years, and a thousand years is as one day to the Lord. The third chapter goes on to talk about how God is never late with His promises. He just doesn't measure lateness as we do.
I was curious to find another reference pertaining to this idea of Divine timing, which I found in Job chapter 10, verse 5, which says in the Message: "Unlike us, You are not working against a deadline. You have all eternity to work things out." So I remind myself again today, the Lord is at work. He isn't ever late. He knows the end from the beginning. He holds all of time in His hands. It's up to me to stop putting my time restrictions on God and let Him do His work in me. And in the mean time, I'll be here, in the waiting line.
Friday, January 7, 2011
The Pessimist's Revelation
That glass was half empty. My feet hadn't even hit the floor and I could see it already. Today wasn't gonna be going down as a top 10 day. My head hurt, again. And I skipped my early morning Fit Bar class, again. Oh, I'm a loser.
Struggling through breakfast with the kids. My early morning riser is so excited to see the day, all sun-shiny and perky. Too perky. And LOUD. My morning crab cries because I feed her the wrong food, then she spills her milk all over her pajamas. Really, God. I can barely deal with myself. Why did You give me small people to be responsible for this morning?
Of course, this kind of God interrogation only causes more questions to flow out of my grumpiness. Spiraling down, the questions hit hard. Why can't I seem to get it together? Why can't I accomplish amazing things like a lot of my friends have done? How in the world will I be able to take on returning to teaching next year (which I plan to do) when I can barely handle today? Why, God, am I so weak?
Then the warm water from the shower began to wash over me. I love shower time. It's one of the few moments of alone I get in a day. Even a "mom shower" helps. A "mom shower" is one of those 5 minute (if you're lucky) wash downs where nothing gets shaved, but at least you come out smelling clean. Usually, there's Barney playing in the background. Hopefully, no one is crying and the dog isn't barking his head off at the backdoor.
God used today's shower time to remind me of a song. I won't name the artist, but the lines that came back to memory had to do with how we question a lot of things in life. We question our abilities. We question our purpose. We question our significance. But, then the song hits the chorus. "The one thing I don't question is You. You really love me, like You say You do."
My spirit did a 180 with that. I gave it up. I had to make the decision to accept the grace that was waiting for me. God's grace flows out of His unending love for me. Frustrated, grumpy me. It'll take it. The grace to see beyond my weakness, my shortcomings, and my bad attitude.
Now I am smiling. My breakfast crier is wearing fresh clothes. She looks adorable. And she is singing... the I Love You song from Barney.
Struggling through breakfast with the kids. My early morning riser is so excited to see the day, all sun-shiny and perky. Too perky. And LOUD. My morning crab cries because I feed her the wrong food, then she spills her milk all over her pajamas. Really, God. I can barely deal with myself. Why did You give me small people to be responsible for this morning?
Of course, this kind of God interrogation only causes more questions to flow out of my grumpiness. Spiraling down, the questions hit hard. Why can't I seem to get it together? Why can't I accomplish amazing things like a lot of my friends have done? How in the world will I be able to take on returning to teaching next year (which I plan to do) when I can barely handle today? Why, God, am I so weak?
Then the warm water from the shower began to wash over me. I love shower time. It's one of the few moments of alone I get in a day. Even a "mom shower" helps. A "mom shower" is one of those 5 minute (if you're lucky) wash downs where nothing gets shaved, but at least you come out smelling clean. Usually, there's Barney playing in the background. Hopefully, no one is crying and the dog isn't barking his head off at the backdoor.
God used today's shower time to remind me of a song. I won't name the artist, but the lines that came back to memory had to do with how we question a lot of things in life. We question our abilities. We question our purpose. We question our significance. But, then the song hits the chorus. "The one thing I don't question is You. You really love me, like You say You do."
My spirit did a 180 with that. I gave it up. I had to make the decision to accept the grace that was waiting for me. God's grace flows out of His unending love for me. Frustrated, grumpy me. It'll take it. The grace to see beyond my weakness, my shortcomings, and my bad attitude.
Now I am smiling. My breakfast crier is wearing fresh clothes. She looks adorable. And she is singing... the I Love You song from Barney.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
See the Evil, Hear the Evil, still Speak No Evil
I am throwing down the gauntlet. Boom. Here it is: "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to You..." O.K. I know. That doesn't sound so tough. We all want to do the right thing and please the Lord with what we say and do. But, let me go a little farther here.
I was sitting in church Sunday, minding my own business, when God clearly showed up in the moment to school me on this passage. The pastor of the church we have recently been attending, began to pray for the leaders in the city, state, and eventually, the president. Now I know that our current president has stirred up plenty of emotions in many Christians. But, when we began to pray for him, the Lord reverberated over and over something within my spirit about the attitude that we can often take when we read the daily headlines, or listen to the news, and hear, or see Obama's name in the title. It's not an attitude of blessing, but an overall mindset of curses that come out of people. I am guilty, too, of not praying for God's wisdom to be revealed through righteous counsel. I don't regularly pray the Lord's protection upon him, let alone his wife and daughters. But, instead I think the worst in my heart. And often, I speak ugly words.
So, again and again God said to me, "Watch your words. Keep your heart pure." In the next moment, within the intersecting thought that had slammed me, came more. It all began to unravel. This wasn't just about the president, who, in truth, really doesn't have that much affect on my daily life at all. He's too far off. So, in theory, it may be a bit difficult to keep my mouth and heart in check, but come on, I know that he isn't going to be the biggest stumbling block in this challenge. The thing God was hitting home for me was about the people I interact within my daily life. My husband, my kids, the guy in the car ahead of me in traffic that just cut me off, even the oblivious woman in the baking aisle that won't move her shopping cart for me to pass...grrrrr.
My mouth and my meditations should mirror God's voice and His thoughts. Even when I am frustrated, angry, or hurt by others. Oh, ouch. This is gonna be harder than I thought, especially when I start examining all the reasons that I justify the junk that comes out, and wow, the stuff I keep hidden away inside. Now, there's the rub!
So, I guess in a way if you want to label this "challenge" as a "New Year's Resolution", you may. I already know that some days I will fail at it miserably. I am a weak, and a hopelessly flawed human. Yet, I also know this is one thing I can strive to live out this year. So, the next time I begin to react with my mouth or in my heart, I will choose to pray blessings. I want my knee jerk reaction to be one of blessing. Satan can stuff his curses in a sack.
I was sitting in church Sunday, minding my own business, when God clearly showed up in the moment to school me on this passage. The pastor of the church we have recently been attending, began to pray for the leaders in the city, state, and eventually, the president. Now I know that our current president has stirred up plenty of emotions in many Christians. But, when we began to pray for him, the Lord reverberated over and over something within my spirit about the attitude that we can often take when we read the daily headlines, or listen to the news, and hear, or see Obama's name in the title. It's not an attitude of blessing, but an overall mindset of curses that come out of people. I am guilty, too, of not praying for God's wisdom to be revealed through righteous counsel. I don't regularly pray the Lord's protection upon him, let alone his wife and daughters. But, instead I think the worst in my heart. And often, I speak ugly words.
So, again and again God said to me, "Watch your words. Keep your heart pure." In the next moment, within the intersecting thought that had slammed me, came more. It all began to unravel. This wasn't just about the president, who, in truth, really doesn't have that much affect on my daily life at all. He's too far off. So, in theory, it may be a bit difficult to keep my mouth and heart in check, but come on, I know that he isn't going to be the biggest stumbling block in this challenge. The thing God was hitting home for me was about the people I interact within my daily life. My husband, my kids, the guy in the car ahead of me in traffic that just cut me off, even the oblivious woman in the baking aisle that won't move her shopping cart for me to pass...grrrrr.
My mouth and my meditations should mirror God's voice and His thoughts. Even when I am frustrated, angry, or hurt by others. Oh, ouch. This is gonna be harder than I thought, especially when I start examining all the reasons that I justify the junk that comes out, and wow, the stuff I keep hidden away inside. Now, there's the rub!
So, I guess in a way if you want to label this "challenge" as a "New Year's Resolution", you may. I already know that some days I will fail at it miserably. I am a weak, and a hopelessly flawed human. Yet, I also know this is one thing I can strive to live out this year. So, the next time I begin to react with my mouth or in my heart, I will choose to pray blessings. I want my knee jerk reaction to be one of blessing. Satan can stuff his curses in a sack.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Forget Happiness in the New Year... I'll Take Content
God woke me up in the middle of the night last night. Yep, I already dropped it. The big G-O-D. So, this is going to be "one of those" types of blogs. And yep, I am going to be all reflective and "spiritual" here. But, don't blame me. Really. It's not me. I can't help it. Not when I've decided to go all in with the One who knows me better than I know myself.
But, last night, it wasn't about me. At least, not at first. I had had a crazy dream about an old friend of mine that I haven't seen in years. He's really far from God now, and my heart began to ache for all of the potential, all of the dreams, that the Creator had for him. Unfortunately, my old friend has made his own choices. I am sure that he felt that the choices he made were for his own happiness. But, then I start thinking about how so many of us as weak humans strive for happiness, because we don't know any better. We have bought into the lie. Happiness equals what is right. Or happiness is the ultimate goal in life. We totally go right along with it, too. And we completely miss out on what we were created by the Creator to do.
If we are all working so hard to be happy...then why aren't we anyway? I want to be happy. Then I get frustrated. I buy something new to wear thinking it will satisfy the need I have for something cool, or fresh and new. But, I wear it once and end up disappointed that I still don't feel pretty enough. I wake up early and go work my tail end off at the gym and still, no weight loss! I think, if only I didn't have to do laundry, dishes, and put the kids to bed tonight...well, then I'll be happy. But, even when my dear, devoted husband bends over backwards to make life easy for me, I still miss out on the "happy" that I keep striving after.
So, here I am praying for my friend last night, when BAM, God hits me up with the truth once again. It's all about Him. Knowing Him, being content in Him, seeing life through the lens of Him. When you think about it that way, there's not a lot of room for me, me, me.
So, that's what this journey is about. I need to go beyond my everyday, average Mommy life and start doing something different. Don't get me wrong on the idea that some how being a mom to two awesome kids isn't important, but God's asking me to go on an adventure of sorts. I need to hear Him fresh and new. I also need to work out my purpose in this life, cause I know that I was meant to do good things. Living a quiet life is sweet. Sweet, and safe. It's time I do something maybe a bit dangerous. I'm gonna put myself out there and see what I can find!
But, last night, it wasn't about me. At least, not at first. I had had a crazy dream about an old friend of mine that I haven't seen in years. He's really far from God now, and my heart began to ache for all of the potential, all of the dreams, that the Creator had for him. Unfortunately, my old friend has made his own choices. I am sure that he felt that the choices he made were for his own happiness. But, then I start thinking about how so many of us as weak humans strive for happiness, because we don't know any better. We have bought into the lie. Happiness equals what is right. Or happiness is the ultimate goal in life. We totally go right along with it, too. And we completely miss out on what we were created by the Creator to do.
If we are all working so hard to be happy...then why aren't we anyway? I want to be happy. Then I get frustrated. I buy something new to wear thinking it will satisfy the need I have for something cool, or fresh and new. But, I wear it once and end up disappointed that I still don't feel pretty enough. I wake up early and go work my tail end off at the gym and still, no weight loss! I think, if only I didn't have to do laundry, dishes, and put the kids to bed tonight...well, then I'll be happy. But, even when my dear, devoted husband bends over backwards to make life easy for me, I still miss out on the "happy" that I keep striving after.
So, here I am praying for my friend last night, when BAM, God hits me up with the truth once again. It's all about Him. Knowing Him, being content in Him, seeing life through the lens of Him. When you think about it that way, there's not a lot of room for me, me, me.
So, that's what this journey is about. I need to go beyond my everyday, average Mommy life and start doing something different. Don't get me wrong on the idea that some how being a mom to two awesome kids isn't important, but God's asking me to go on an adventure of sorts. I need to hear Him fresh and new. I also need to work out my purpose in this life, cause I know that I was meant to do good things. Living a quiet life is sweet. Sweet, and safe. It's time I do something maybe a bit dangerous. I'm gonna put myself out there and see what I can find!
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